When you’re trying to find each other again
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the conflict itself. It’s the feeling that you’re no longer reaching each other.
Conversations that once felt easy become harder. Small things turn into bigger arguments. You may find yourselves having the same conversations again and again, each trying to explain your experience and somehow leaving feeling even less understood.
Or maybe there isn’t much conflict at all. You’ve simply grown quieter. Life has become busy, affection feels harder to find, and somewhere along the way you’ve begun to feel more like roommates than partners.
You may still care deeply about each other. You may both be trying. And still, it can feel as though something important between you has become difficult to reach.
How couples get stuck
Most couples don’t become disconnected because they stop caring about each other. More often, they become caught in patterns that leave both people feeling unheard, misunderstood, or alone.
One person may reach for conversation, reassurance, or closeness while the other becomes overwhelmed and needs space. One may try harder to explain while the other becomes quieter or more defensive. Before long, both people can find themselves reacting not only to what is happening in the moment, but to what they have come to expect from each other.
Over time, the pattern itself can begin to feel like the problem neither of you knows how to solve.
Therapy can give us a place to slow that pattern down. Together, we can become curious about what happens between you, what each of you experiences in those moments, and what might help you begin reaching each other differently.
Both of you belong in the room
Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who is right, who is wrong, or who needs to change.
You may arrive with very different experiences of your relationship. Something that feels deeply important to one of you may look completely different from where the other person is standing. Both perspectives matter.
Part of our work is creating enough space to understand each person’s experience without losing sight of the relationship between you. We can slow conversations down, become curious about what each of you is trying to communicate, and notice what makes it difficult to hear one another in the moments that matter most.
You don’t need to agree about everything for our work together to be meaningful. We can begin by understanding.
What couples therapy can look like
Our work together will often begin by slowing things down enough to notice what happens between you—especially in the moments when conversations become difficult or connection feels far away.
We might explore the patterns you find yourselves returning to, practice different ways of communicating, or make space for conversations that have become difficult to have on your own.
At times, our work may focus on rebuilding trust, strengthening friendship and affection, navigating differences, or understanding how past experiences shape the ways you respond to each other now.
There isn’t one formula for a relationship. We’ll pay attention to what is happening between the two of you and let our work develop from there.
You might find yourselves here if…
You keep having the same argument.
The topic may change, but somehow you find yourselves returning to the same frustration, defensiveness, or disconnection.
You feel more like roommates than partners.
Life may function well enough on the surface while affection, friendship, intimacy, or a sense of being a couple has become harder to find.
Trust has been shaken.
A betrayal, secrecy, or other rupture in the relationship may have left you wondering what repair could look like—or whether trust can be rebuilt.
One of you reaches while the other pulls away.
The more one person looks for closeness, reassurance, or conversation, the more overwhelmed or distant the other may become.
Life has changed around your relationship.
Parenting, work, stress, health, loss, or other transitions can change the way you relate to one another and leave less space for the relationship itself.
You still care, but you don’t know how to reconnect.
You may both want things to feel different while feeling uncertain about how to get there together.
A little about how I work
I approach couples therapy with the understanding that there are always two experiences in the room. My role isn’t to decide whose version is right, but to help us become curious about what is happening between you and what each of you may be experiencing within it.
Our work is collaborative, but it also has structure. My approach is informed by the Gottman Method, attachment and relational perspectives, and an understanding of how our histories can shape the ways we protect ourselves and respond to the people closest to us.
We may slow down a difficult conversation, practice new ways of communicating, explore what sits underneath a recurring conflict, or work intentionally on friendship, trust, affection, and connection. What we focus on will depend on your relationship and what the two of you are hoping to understand or change.
I won’t expect either of you to arrive with perfect words or to know exactly what needs to happen next. We’ll begin by getting to know your relationship—and understanding it together.
Beginning therapy
Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step, especially when you’re not entirely sure what to expect—or when the two of you feel differently about coming.
We can begin with a free 15-minute phone consultation. It’s a chance to tell me a little about what brings you to couples therapy, ask questions about the process, and get a sense of whether working together feels like a good fit.
If you decide to continue, our first few sessions will give us time to understand your relationship more fully, including each of your perspectives, the history of your relationship, and what you’re hoping might feel different.
